good spread
standing round the cheese platter, i am obliged to say “good spread”. i just dont believe it. theres too many hunks of cheese and not enough crackers. the knife is mucked up with a slurry of camemburt and someone has put their olive pips back on the chopping board. people actually think cheese platters are a good idea, people take pride in ‘curating’ them and paying big sums for edible bric-a-brac. i understand consensus but who makes up the consensus? why is consensus some thin circles of weird meat and cheese that tastes like a campfire. and whats with this hard cube of red jelly? is it meant to be pigs blood or turkish delight? i cant figure it out. my advice is cut the hogwash, double the crackers, halve the cheese and swap the rest for chips and smarties.