mid witted
when i was younger i was very quick witted. i could always make merry with a clever retort. it didnt seem to matter whether i believed what i was saying or not, i would just say whatever i wanted without thinking it first and always in a tone of voice that prevented anyone from taking what i said too seriously.
now that i am older it takes me considerable effort to say or reply to anything. perhaps this is a sign of my brain slowing down, or perhaps it is a sign of my brain getting smarter. instead of just clicking on the first dialogue option like i always used to do, i carefully read all three and then consort with the angels and devils on both of my shoulders. then after deciding on the pitch and intonation that my words will take, i move my lips into their positions.
i find it maddening when other people hesitate before replying to me, but good and wise when i do it to other people.
just today, in the staff kitchen, i was trying to open a box of coffee pods. another teacher walked in, saw me with the box and said ‘ooo-ooh nice’.
yeah, i said, but when i finally got the box open and went to put a capsule in the machine, she let out a gasp of disappointment.
‘awh, i thought it was choccy’.
this really stumped me. i tried to think of a good reply, but while i was thinking my mouth was already making sounds. uh er uh hm. finally i settled on a good retort: HA, i wish! yet before i could say it she had already made her tea and had exited the kitchen.
although you might think this was a failure of communication, i was actually very pleased with myself. most of the time when i say anything to anyone, i very much regret it.
i know i would have very much regretted saying what i had planned to say: HA, i wish!, even if it was the best of my options at the time.
but, you always have a secret option: the option to switch off, the option to say nothing. nothing is always better than something.