INVENTING NEW HOROSCOPES
While I appreciate the Chinese Zodiac cycle, I don't think it's fair. Some animals are better than others and if you're unlucky enough to get born the wrong year, you get stuck forever with an animal that sucks.
I have righted these wrongs with my newest iteration of the horoscopes. Each animal has been carefully selected to be equally weighted in power and beauty. I have based them on the constellations found in my two homelands Australia and the Netherlands. I hope you enjoy, or as my ancestors say "blidskip elkenien!"
INSTRUCTIONS:
Locate your birth year for the animal, you get what you're given. Then, optionally, locate your birth month for the animal's personality, and use the final number of your birth year for its element.
ANIMALS
Frog
1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010, 2022, 2034
Soulmate: Bat
Enemy: Mole
Mole
1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011, 2023, 2035
Soulmate: Chicken Hawk
Enemy: Frog
Bat
1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012,k 2024, 2036
Soulmate: Frog
Enemy: Woodpecker
Ant Eater
1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001, 2013, 2025, 2037
Soulmate: Hog
Enemy: Mole
Chicken Hawk
1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002, 2014, 2026, 2038
Soulmate: Mole
Enemy:Zookeeper
Woodpecker
1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003, 2015, 2027, 2039
Soulmate: Hummingbird
Enemy: Chicken Hawk
Zookeeper
1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004, 2016, 2028, 2040
Soulmate: Chicken Hawk
Enemy: Cheeky Bugger\
Hummingbird
1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005, 2017, 2029, 2041
Soulmate: Woodpecker
Enemy: None
Hog
1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006, 2018, 2030, 2042
Soulmate: Ant Eater
Enemy: Sugar Glider
Cheeky Bugger
1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007, 2019, 2031, 2043
Soul Mate: Ape
Enemy: Zookeeper
Ape
1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008, 2020, 2032
Soulmate: Cheeky Bugger
Enemy: Hummingbird
Sugar Glider
1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009, 2021, 2033
Soulmate: Sugar Glider
Enemy: Woodpecker
PERSONALITY
Jan: Rude
Feb: Brazen
Mar: Rustic
Apr: Refreshing
May: Deadstock
June: Winking
July: Wicked
Aug: Wily
September: Warm
October: Cheeky
Nov: Yummy
Dec: Yucky
ELEMENT
Year ending, eg 2007 = popcorn
0- Wood
1- Lime Honey
2- Oat
3- Sugar Soap
4- Peanut
5- Choc Mint
6- Chewing gum
7- Popcorn
8- Gelatin
9- Cellophane
Examples: Born March 1994, I am a Rustic Peanut Hog. My nephew is a Deadstock Sugar Soap Mole, and someone born today is a Brazen Chewing Gum Chicken Hawk.
Holiday Specials:
If born on a Leap Day, change your animal to the Amazon Milk Frog, the rarest one.
If born on Christmas Day, change your personality to Festive and if born on Anzac Day, change it to Pensive or Grateful.
Thanks everyone, I look forward to telling you more about my incredible new horoscopes!
Email me with your questions: breadwinneryaxley@gmail.com
Happy year of the Hawk!!!