our new archaeological discovery
people say the oldest tool in the world was made for stabbing and cutting up meat but i know for a fact that this isn't true. the nature of man is not one of violence. man's nature is one of peace and creativity. today my anthropologist friend gavin showed me that the oldest tool in the world was in fact not a knife used for killing but a knife used only for whittling.
the cavemen were lousy painters but phenomenal whittlers. with a sharp stone and a piece of wood, they were able to achieve a verisimilitude not seen again until the arrival of the greeks.
its a pity that none of their prehistoric whittlings have survived. wood is a non-archival material, certain to rot or burn or turn into ground.
all dirt is just made of really old wood and some of it was used for whittling.
today in the bog near my house, gavin dredged up something incredible: a hand carved sculpture dating back to 4 million BC. gavin has a degree in archaeology and he told me that this is the oldest work of art ever made. i have attached it below:
not only does this artifact offer us a candid glimpse of our ancient ancestors, but it also disproves the myth of the man as dominator. the wood in his hand is not for clubbing. it is for whittling. it is wood to be turned into the very same artifact we have sent off to the british museum.