mr weatherman
how come the weatherman’s always yacking on about rain and clouds and light precipitation? no one even knows what that is. how come he never talks about the stuff people actually care about?
i don’t care about the chance of westerley; tell me, what is today’s chance of rainbow or sunset? tell me, what time will the sunset happen? where it will be? what colours? if theres gonna be a rainbow, what size? what quality? will it be a big glowing technicolour rainbow or some flaccid piss-poor half-mast effort?
because we only have so much time in the day and when we waste it looking out the window, we only deserve the best. and tell me, mr weatherman, what shape will the clouds be? if dog shape, then what breed? how old? is it friendly? mr weatherman! tell me- will my breath come out as fog tomorrow morning? i want to make my friend at the bus stop think that i’m half dragon. and tell me, how long can i look at the sun? how salty is the beach water? is it safe to drink? and can i still burn garbage if it’s in my own backyard?
i know the current weatherman is just relief and doesn't really know what he’s doing, but if the network is looking for a permanent weatherman, they’re not looking hard enough. they still haven’t responded to my job application on seek.