mr whippy van
it sucks driving a mr whippy van because your friends expect you to help them move. last sunday my friend needed me to transport his queensize mattress, and i agreed even though sunday is my busy day when all the families are out at the parks. he had lost the plastic cover and his mattress was dusty and stained, which seemed unsanitary to have next to the softserve. it also blocked off one side of my van so i had no access to the choc dip and sherbet and nuts, which would cause me a major loss in revenue. he was waiting for me at his new place texting me ‘hey dude where are you’, and i said ‘bro i’m working, ill get there as soon as i can’, but after a couple hours i felt bad for delaying my friend so i turned off Greensleeves and changed it to R.E.M. and headed straight for his while the megaphone played losing my religion. i turned onto Kwinana freeway but the mattress was blocking my rear vision and it was hard to know when to merge. i had to get across 4 lanes in heavy traffic, and in the process i upset a hoon.
the hoon was bashing his horn and swerving angrily but i could barely see him. he accelerated up in the lane next to me, not letting me turn and mouthing off with his lipless mouth. i put greensleeves back on to make him chill, but he got even madder. he was jittering about like a marionnette and while i was watching him i realised the car in front of me had stopped. i jerked the brakes so hard that all the things on the passenger seat flew into the dashboard and the mattress smashed into my seat which almost sent my van head over heels. when i finally got to my friend’s house his mattress was in a very bad state, covered in melted ice cream, sherbet, choc dip and nuts. we couldn't even leave it on the street because it was stained in such an embarrassing way, although the ice cream hid the worse ones, so we drove it a few streets up and left it on someones lawn.