profound experience
when i was nine i had a profound experience. i was making a powerpoint about the fall of the roman empire and i decided to include some clipart of a bulldozer. i would make it smash it into the colluseum with a big explosion sound. i always made jests like this in my powerpoints. clipart was very useful at the time because instead of a flat image, each picture was a layered collection of shapes and if you wanted to you could right-click + ungroup and change the colours or move the shapes around. i was in the midst of changing the bulldozer to a different yellow when i had the sudden idea to delete its glassy blue window. i imagined that right behind i’d see a tradie in the cockpit, wearing hi-vis, one hand on the wheel, the other riffling through his lunchpail. he would probably look very surprised. he'd be spitting out his crackers and cheese. but when i deleted the window, there was nothing behind, and by nothing i mean nothing nothing. no tradie, no lunch pail, no cockpit. just the blank yellow of the bulldozer's hull. instantly i felt very foolish. if you rubbed turpentine on the mona lisa, you wouldnt find her skeleton. all the same i knew it was very profound.