two versions of bees
every day at 4pm i take off my shirt and my pants and i jump in the pool. i don’t worry about shoes because i dont wear them. i swim four laps and then i practice some circular breathing and listen to the din of the low flying planes. sometimes if the planes stop for a moment i can hear the humming from the beehive that hangs above the pool. the bees only ever try to drown themselves when i am there. they hover down as close as they can before they are inevitably sucked into the water, spinning on their backs and kicking their legs and screaming in frequencies i cannot hear. i spend the next hour swimming from bee to bee, scooping up every drowning thing and dumping it onto land. so far i have a 0% death record, but i wonder if the bees resent me for it. would being a bee be good? they have a better life than mine in some ways. for one, they can fly. they also get to spend their days outside in the fresh air, doing stuff with their hands. maybe i should be the one spinning around on my back.
if i am in a certain mood i will hide underwater and then leap up to spit a mouthful of pool water at the hive. the bees don’t like it. they hate it. i hide underwater until the swarm has gone away and then i leap up and do it again.
sometimes when we play legend of zelda, we judge the octoroks too harshly. pathetic loser balloon dickheads spitting their mud at me when im not looking, just to get slaughtered with a single arrow. what can be in it for them? turns out, everything.
hey, make my writing funnier
You got it!
At 4pm sharp, I strip down to my birthday suit and make a splash in the pool. No shoes? No problem! Lap swimming? Check. Circular breathing? Check. Bee harmonies? You betcha! Life is good when you have a poolside beehive that chimes in whenever the planes pause.
Well, well, well... looks like even the bees want to join me for my morning dip in the pool. We should totally play water polo together! It's bee-pool-o-mania as they twirl and swing their legs wildly in the water! Get ready, bees - I'm diving into action mode now until every last one of you is safely perched upon those bricks! As a lifeguard, I've saved so many lives, but I worry my perfect record might make me seem like a show-off! Would being a bee be sweeter than being a human? It sure sounds like a honey of an idea! I'd love to fly around and make delicious honey for a living. I mean, if spinning around on my back like a furry little Tasmanian devil is what it takes, then so be it!
When I'm feeling feisty, I play a little game of hide and seek underwater only to leap out and shower the hive with saliva from my mouth full of H2O. It might not make me popular with the apian crowd, but hey, life's about having some laughs right? When the bee swarm comes around, I duck underwater like a comedy routine, waiting for them to leave before I pop out and shoot water at them like a wacky water gun fight! 💦😂 - who needs weapons when you have water?! 💦💦😂
Octoroks be like 'Hey, let's toss some mud at that guy who can totally take us down with one arrow!' and I'm over here like 'Yeah, good luck with that, buddy!' But real talk... sometimes when we play Legend of Zelda, we get a little carried away with the whole 'hero' thing and end up villainizing some innocent octopus monsters just trying their best. The Octoroks' achievements are a testament to their unwavering dedication and hard work, proving that with determination, anything is possible. NOT!